Things You Don't Want to Hear at The Office

As you know, Nike attended a fun-filled day at work with me yesterday. Due to her current, er, condition, Tara remained home in a crate. Nick gets home from school around 2ish, and about 2:05 my phone rang.

Now remember, I work in cubie-land. Everyone around me for about a 30 mile radius can hear my end of the conversation. Also remember Nick is a 16 year old male child.

Me: "Yes, Nike's with me"

Me "You can let Tara out of her crate, but she's, uh, started her, uh, girl thing. After you put her outside you'll have to clean her, uh, "hoo-haa" and put her panties on her. Otherwise she'll get blood on the furniture.

Heads start to pop up all over cubie-land, like gophers emerging from their holes.

Me: There's a hole where the tail goes, and you put a panty-liner thing in the panties right under the tail hole.

Me (begging for trouble): Call if you have trouble.

I look around at my audience and realize an explanation is in order. By the time I'm done, the aisles are full of tearful laughing co-workers. Great, a peanut gallery.



Riiinnnnnnnggggggg



More laughter from the aisles.



Me: What's up? Oh, yeah, they're normal panti-liner things, in a pink plastic package. I think I left them in the laundry room. Or maybe on top of the stereo. The panties should be on top of her crate. You probably have to take the old pad out and put the new one one - I was in a hurry this morning.



Frantic waving as I try to get the peanut gallery to quit laughing so I can hear what poor Nick is trying to say.



There are no dry eyes in the aisles near my cubie.



Riiiiiinnnnnnnngggggggg



Medics are going to be needed for hyperventilating co-workers.



Me: She won't let you put them on? Dude, at some point you gotta learn about girls and panties. (Much grumbling at what is considered my poor effort at humor).



Peanut Gallery: Tell him to buy her a nice dinner and take her to a movie first.



Me: He's trying to get them on not off, you dopes.



Me: Sigh. Just put a towel down on the furniture. I'll be home soon.



I work with juveniles. I live with juveniles. On the other hand, you can't really say that's an everyday conversation at the office.....