Thursday, April 23, 2009

Underwires - Not Just for Support Anymore

I've always needed underwire bras. And I hate them. Lets face it sisters; bras aren't exactly winning any comfort awards regardless of construction, and adding a support wire contrived of what suspiciously looks like piano wire doesn't help. Later in life, when I started test-driving for Victoria's Secret I still required underwires, but since my 35 year old boobs looked darn near perfect in them, I could put up and shut up. Never mind that wearing an underwire bra is a bit like undergoing a 20-year mastectomy without anesthesia. No worries about breast cancer here! In a few more years they'll have been amputated by the coping saw blade-like wire and be gone. Stiletto heels fall into this category too. Yes, I could quite possibly fall into the nearest storm drain and break my leg, but dammit, my calves rock!

Note to the diva readership - should you ever need to know what a coping saw is, it's the one that has a blade resembling bra underwire.

The actual point here is a Reuters news article yesterday informing all us underwire slaves that the boob hanger actually does credible double duty as body armor. A woman in Detroit (where body armor is not a bad idea) was saved from perhaps fatal injury when a bullet struck the underwire of her bra. Apparently, her neighbors house was being robbed, and when she went to investigate, one of the robbers fired on her. She was saved from serious injury by, yes, the underwire in her bra.

Now first off, good thing she was wearing one. Due to aforementioned comfort issues, many of us shuck the bra first chance we get when we're home. (I'm just sayin...) My second question has to do with the brand of bra. Are we going to see ads for Maidenform, or Bali, or La Perla, touting the life-saving characteristics of their bras? "18 hour support AND deflects most calibers of handguns". Sports bras, notoriously absent in the underwire department may have to add them to keep up with modern marketing. Would an underwire sports bra have saved Monica Seles? Oh wait. She got stabbed in the back.

That's it. Comfort be damned. I'm ordering myself a chain mail bra. Ain't no gangsta out there gonna take me out because I got a wimpy lace bra. This model ought to do.

Just two more things: Take a moment to click on my icon that donates free mammograms to women in need.

And, please visit This is a terrific program to recycle gently used bras to women in shelters and safe houses.


karisma said...

I am an avid hater of the wire! Mind you most of my bras have them. LOL! Exercise is the only way to go and of course there are those push up bra's, much better than wires.

Knatolee said...

I cannot wear these instruments of torture. I've tried, and tried, and it's hopeless. No underwire for me, so if I get shot, I'm screwed.

thedailyblonde said...

Jen...I'm in a bit of a predicament here. The underwire...or chains...might not help me. I used to be a member of the itty bitty hootie club. Then I got bags o' saline dumped in. So...basically I'm a walking set of water balloons.

I need the bra of armor.

You crack me up.

Mo said...


Anonymous said...

The underwires aren't so uncomfortable if you tend to be flat chested. Count your blessings! Both of them. Momm

Jenn and the City

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