Borborygmus & Other Things My Nephews Love

It has come to my attention that y-chromosome blessed humans enjoy a peculiar sense of humor when it comes to what we shall call "bodily functions".

I envy this. I really do. Can you imagine how delightful the world would be if every fart cracked you up? Or to be so fortuitous as to be able to belch the alphabet? These gifted individuals are the Andy Warhols of the ESPN set.

I can't even whistle. Appropos of nothing relevant here.

This brings us to the case of a West Virgina man, originally pulled over for a broken headlight and smelling of alcohol, who was further charged with battery after farting in the direction of the cop who administered the breathalyzer test.

According to the MSNBC story, all involved originally remained true to their genetic predispositions and found the matter hysterically funny. For some reason, however, the police later decided that the incident in question was actually insulting and provoking and brought the battery charge. Perhaps the suspect was unable to belch the alphabet into the breathalyzer. Andy would have understood the fleeting nature of such success. Borborygmus will only get you so far.

Borborygmus - noun: A rumbling noise caused by the movement of gas through the intestines.

I have nothing further. My tummy is rumbling.