Jenn and the Walrus

Helps to know your Alice in Wonderland first.

With apologies to Lewis Carroll -

The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things. Of checked-out moms and poison schools, and bullies from cliche-y rings. And why no one was there for little me, so I grew my own wings.

The time has come, the walrus said, to remember things you've blocked. Like welts along your back from sticks, and hair pulled out your scalp. And being such the ugly kid your only choice was tramp.

The time has come, the walrus said, to find the wings you grew. They got you into college and away from the abuse. But wings require constant care, it's easy to lose the wind. So we find familiar life on land, and you find those paths again. You marry the weak bully, from the cliche-y ring, because that’s the safest that you know, that doesn’t need a wing.

The time has come, the walrus said, to re-live 13 years behind a veil, trying for perfection and at every step finding fail. The time has come to stop the search, for bodies every night. Has he killed himself, at best, but taken my dogs in spite? The time has come, the walrus said, to leave that guilt tonight.

The time has come, the walrus said, to find the wings again, to write, to draw, to laugh and smile. To splash through puddles, hear their song, and stretch and breathe and soar.

The time has come, the walrus said, to allow yourself to tear. To let the doctors offer help, though painful to bear. We will try this EMDR thing, to process what holds me back, in hopes that someday soon the walrus and I can find a single track.