Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Are You There Brain? It's Me, Jennifer...

Okay. I’m officially tired of this neurological wiring problem. Whoever attached the green wire to the blue wire, or whatever the hell it is that happened, the joke is over. I am not going to blow up.

“They” tell me I have a chemical imbalance that causes the wiring problem. The chemical imbalance comes from years of living in “fight or flight” mode. That’s called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder by “they” that need to name things. Apparently, I was in a war and didn’t get the memo.

Actually, that isn’t true. When the war memo got delivered I read it, dealt with it, and I waited. Me and Chamberlain, we could’ve been a real pair. I waited to see if you, Brain, could deal with peace. I wasn’t giving up thirteen years of marriage without giving peace a chance. Apparently, the wounds of war ran deeper than I thought, Ye Olde Brain has forgotten how to live with peace. And I get to continue to live with those scars.

But here’s the deal, Brain. Yes, you put up with a lot of crap. As “they” tell me, “most people don’t have to deal with those things”. That’s nice. You did. Deal or No Deal, for Chrissake. This whole “disassociation” phenomenon? Where you see me outside my body driving down the road or sitting on the couch and think you are someone else on the outside looking in? Get.Over.It.

So Brain, the fact of the matter is that you’re not going to crack up. Even when you want to. Eventually, like soon, I will have had enough of this crap. And when I’ve had enough, I’ve had enough. And then, Brain, it won’t matter what colors the wires are.

Bite me.


Mary Moore said...

You tell it. I feel the same way actually, and I'm sick and tired of it too. The doc thinks it's hormonal. I just don't think I can handle years of this... Hope you feel better soon.

When a Problem Comes Along, You Must Whippet... said...

Need an electrician?

Totally just kidding!! Your post has a strong undercurrent and I hope you get your brain back on track. I'll miss you when you're next up so good luck at those shows!

Scott said...

I read through this whole thing thinking you were talking to Brian and instead of your brain, and I was wondering, is Brian the ex or the current?

Patience-please said...

I laughed at Scott's comment. There's a line in the vagina monologues: If your vagina could talk, what would it say?
"Where's Brian?"

It took 13 years to get shorted out, be patient with your brain. Besides, all that dissociation has GOT to give you good writing material!


char said...

My friend would say that hormones are probably (at least) a contributing factor to all this. She said that when she started going into perimenopause, she became afraid to ride her horses. Not "AFRAID" like never riding, but she lost her nerve for the big stuff. She was an Olympic caliber rider before, and now she just rides for fun.

Anonymous said...

Anxiety is a helpful emotion because it keeps you on your toes in the face of danger or stressful situations. But if this emotion restricts you from doing your daily activities then what you have is a disorder.

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Jenn and the City

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Thanks Patience!

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