Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Hooray for Hollywood

Voter turnout for the 2008 Presidential election will likely exceed all expectations, and probably be at an all time high. But not because of intriguing candidates, a controversial war, or an anemic economy.

No sirree. As an overall society, we're just not that sophisticated. We'd so like to think better of ourselves, but we secretly would rather hear about Britney's latest fender-bender than the U.S. auto industry losses for the last quarter.

But, I think the average American voter finally gets it. For that, we thank the Hollywood writers. Shall we write them a little note?

Dear Hollywood Writers:

Thank you for your recent strike. Your adamant insistance on receiving royalties for new media and DVD residuals cultivated a rich environment for the advent of reality t.v. No writers needed for reality t.v., are there? Good old middle class America spent the last five years plus mindlessly feeding on a screen feast that requires no menu or script.

So now we get it. This election, we grasp that we have the ability to kick anyone we don't like "off the Island".


U.S. Voters

But this could be SO much more interesting couldn't it? And so much simpler.

Why bother with all this election hoopla and media hype? Debates? BO-RING. Who needs 'em?

Lets put the candidates and their spouses (since we don't have running mates yet) in our favorite reality shows. Whomever wins their show, wins the election. Cheap, easy, good ratings, and Americans grasp the voting process without any complicated explanations about "super-delegates" and "electoral college".

John McCain - No brainer. Let's see him outplay, outlast and outwit the likes of Parvati, Richard, and Boston Rob on "Survivor". He's got the right resume. Should be a piece of cake if he can find the immunity idol.

Cindy McCain - "America's Next Top Model"? Unfortunately, there's not a reality show for "America's Favorite Beer" distributor.

Bill and Hillary Clinton - Can you imagine this pair on "The Amazing Race"? Unstopable. And in case of a tie, we can put the Billster on "The Bachelorette".

Barack Obama - Cookin' up his famous chili on "Hell's Kitchen". Or maybe having the audacity of hope on "The Real World". I suspect he'd do well there.

Michelle Obama - I'd put her on "Last Comic Standing" Girlfriend's got a wicked sense of humor.

"Fear Factor" anyone? And to really define the occasion, they can all sing "America the Beautiful" on American Idol. Let's face it, the whole country will tune in to hear Randy say "yo Barack dawg, it was a little pitchy, just alright for me". Paula can tell John how proud she is of him, and how much his fans love and admire him. And Simon...critiquing...Hillary...just....can't....go....there.....sorry.

Whatever you do, vote.


Patience-please said...

You are amazing. You know what's going to happen? You're going to get a book deal/paying writing job/guest shot on Oprah, and I'll be the one saying "Yah, I told her she could write!!"

Next week's fun monday host is

Anonymous said...

Great rant Jenn!! Loved it


Anonymous said...

Finally!!!!!! Now with your help I finally know the truth.

Very, very, good job. This is my favorite blog so far except of course the "Saint Rob" one....

Aynex Mercado said...

The candidates reality show is a great idea. Aren't there more votes on American Idol than on the real election? I registered to vote this year for the first time.

Jenn and the City

An Award

An Award
Thanks Patience!

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