Extreme Makeover, Jenn Edition

Dear Modular Home on Beautiful Riverfront Half Acre:

Your carpets are cleaned. Your plumbing has been completely replaced. Your kitchen was gutted and re-built. One bedroom has new carpeting, and one bathroom has all new everything except a bathtub. The damage caused to the electrical wiring during the installation of the new fence was repaired this week.

You have a new deck. The old deck is under repair. And you have a very nice hot tub, with a gazebo. So the gazebo roof needs some help. Okay, it fell apart and we need a new one. GIVE US A BREAK. I'm sorry about the landscaping, BUT THERE WASN'T TIME this year. Please see above paragraph. You have new interior paint in four rooms. I don't give a rat's hiney if you don't like orange.

And while I'm at it, I'm pissed off about the stove burners. Left Front means Left Front, not Left Rear. When I turn on the Left Front burner, I expect it to get hot. Instead, nothing happens to the Left Front, but I can boil water in 30 seconds on the Left Rear. I could perhaps live with reciprocity, but when I turn on the Left Rear, I get just about enough heat in the Left Front to wilt lettuce. If it's summertime.

KNOCK IT OFF.

I'm not saying it again. There are houses out there who would love a family like us to treat them with care and respect. If you don't start behaving, I'm going to move you to the other side of the tracks and replace you with a condo.

So there. Pthhhhhttttt.